Ballsy Boston Broad

Well hello there….Yeah, I know it’s been awhile since I last blogged.  Frankly, there is no excuse for my prolonged absence. Moving forward, I am going to make a real concerted effort to blog regularly and update my Twitter account @ BallsyBroad everyday.

Anyway, so I am sure the first question that a lot of you might have is “Are you going to blog about any bad dates you had during your absence from the blogosphere?”  Well to be honest, I wish I could offer you up some juicy material. But after years of dating utterly clueless men and well frankly a handful of assholes (read about my infamous coffee or baseball game date as examples), I finally found a gem that makes me very happy.  That’s all I will say on the matter.  But I do hope my dating experiences offer other frustrated single gals out there a glimmer of hope that nice guys do exist. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. It takes a lot of effort to find, but its well worth it in the end.

Well Christ, enough mushy stuff for this ballsy broad. I plan to get back to business blogging about current events, politics, celebrities and of course things that annoy the shit of me…and let me assure you that my shit list is growing longer than the Senate Healthcare bill!!

First Things First, President Obama

First things first, I am not going to bore you all with my political rantings as I am sure you have had enough of those on my Facebook page.  But I need to set the record straight on my feelings toward President Barack Obama.
I am an independent thinking, socially liberal Republican and I voted for President Barack Obama.  I threw my staunch support behind Obama as soon as old man McCain announced that he chose that dimwit Sarah Palin as his running mate.  I don’t even need to elaborate as to why I immediately jumped ship. Just watch her interview with Katie Couric to understand where I was coming from.  Click here to watch that train wreck of an interview.

Now my gripe with Obama is that he has about as much of a backbone as a fish.  He is not the leader that he promised and vowed relentlessly to be on the campaign trail.  I would think anyone, but especially liberals, who voted for Obama must be frustrated or feel hoodwinked by his failure to enact real reform. Let me say upfront, I think his decision to close Guantanamo Bay is foolish; I think his healthcare plan is a $900 billion dollar piece of shit; I think his spending habits are reckless; I think he should withdraw troops from Iraq; and I think the only jobs his stimulus package will create will be for Republican lawmakers in state legislatures across the country.  I could go on and on with my policy gripes with Obama. As you can see, there is very little I actually agree with him on…

But that’s not why President Obama pisses me off. It’s not the substance of the policies he preaches that has me up in arms.  Rather, it’s the fact that he does not have the balls to move forward with his policies.  Even though I don’t agree with the bulk of his agenda, I would have more respect for him if he demonstrated conviction and steadfastly exhausted all means to accomplish it. Who cares if John Boehner is crying foul, or if Jim Bunning is giving you the finger or even if Dick Cheney is giving you the Dr. Evil stare…F-the Republicans and the Teabaggers.

Democrats won the presidency and the Congress. Obama should use whatever means necessary albeit the reconciliation process, vote buying, the nuclear option, an executive order…I don’t give a shit what he uses, just institute CHANGE god damn it. That’s what he promised and now it’s time for him to deliver. Hell the political climate is not getting any better for the Democrats. There is no more proof than the election of Sen. Scott Brown to fill the late Teddy Kennedy’s seat in my home state, otherwise known as the People’s Republic of Massachusetts.  Enough is enough, President Obama. Stand up to the opposition and pass your policy agenda. The Republicans will never agree with you or make any concessions. We all know that. They view obstructionism as a political strategy as a means to enable them to win back the Congress in November. For Christ sake, put on your Nike hat President Obama and “Just Do It”!!!!

What Else Got My Goat Lately?

Ellen DeGeneris

Oh that Ellen DeGeneris. I will be forthright in that I think she is as about as funny as watching Schindler’s List over and over. Frankly I find her wit and humor quite painful. And don’t even get me started on her dancing. But that’s besides the point. I know she is a big hit with the stay at home Mom crowd and middle-aged hermits who have had as much sex as Gary Coleman. Nevertheless, she has no friggin business being a judge on American Idol. She offers no meaningful commentary. If I were a contestant, I would tell her to take her man-suit and shove it. Poor Simon Cowell. That poor bastard. I mean what an insult to make him have to be on a panel with her. He is like a CEO forced share an office with an intern.  Good for him for giving Fox the finger and starting up his own show next year.

Facebook

Speaking of fingers, when the hell is Facebook going to finally get a dislike button and get rid of Farmville. I am sorry, every time someone sends me a Farmville request I lose just a little more respect for that person. Unless you’re my ten year old cousin, it’s unacceptable. Any person that spends time organizing a fake farm with imaginary animals on Facebook is quite pathetic and sad in my book. 

You know what else annoys me about Facebook, the phony birthday messages everyone posts on each other’s walls. Now don’t get me wrong, I am guilty as charged and frequently post Happy Birthday on “friends” walls. But, it annoys me how everyone feels the need to send birthday greetings to all of their 878 friends throughout the year.  Now it’s one thing if the birthday boy or gal is actually a close friend, family member or co-worker that you actually socialize with. It’s another to write “Happy Birthday Jenny! I hope you have a great day!” if Jenny is a girl you went to middle school with and have not seen or talked to in 20 years. I mean get real. Do you really care if Jenny has a good day? I sure as hell bet you don’t. I wish we all could write what we are really thinking about Jenny…”Happy Birthday Jenny! Cripes, you’re a mess. What the hell happened? …Have a good day!”

And my other Facebook annoyance these days is when people post a deep or profound quote as their status. You know what I mean…like a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson such as “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”  I mean okay that’s cool if you want to give yourself some motivation or something. Fine I understand. But c’mon if you’re going to post it, then try to actually live by it. Don’t follow that posting up the next day with “Oh, I am so hungover today. I need to stop doing Tequila shots”…Just be consistent is all I am saying.

The Express Line at the Grocery Store

Before I get ready to watch American Idol and roll my eyes at Ellen, there is one more rant I need to get off my chest. I was at the grocery store with my boyfriend recently and we were waiting in line to purchase a grocery cart full of food items. I let mean let me tell you—the damn cart was packed to the max.  So we are waiting and waiting and then a man with a gallon of milk and can of Campbell’s tomato soup walks up behind us in line. At first I thought he was confused and mistook our line for the Express line (you know 12 items or less). But no he just got in line and proceeded to stare at me like I was supposed to let him go ahead because he had 2 items and I had 53.  Now this has happened before to me. What the hell? Is this like some scheme or ploy people use to expedite their way to the front of the line? C’mon shoppers, but if you have less than 12 items please go to the Express line or self-checkout line (although as you already know I hate those too!)

Okay, well that’s it for now. Thanks so much for reading!

As always, feel free to friend me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter @ ballsybroad, or email me at Kristinablair8@gmail.com. Shameless self promotion I know…

This Broad has gone primetime
Welcome to my new website! I now have my own official domain: http://www.ballsybostonbroad.com/. I hope you find my new website to be easy to navigate.

Let me just say that I am humbled by how many people have visited my blog since it was launched earlier this year, especially given that my blogging has been irregular and sporadic.  Moving forward, I intend to blog at least once per week.  My goal is to increase Ballsybostonbroad.com’s visibility and online presence by driving more traffic, albeit direct or indirect, to this site.  Any word of mouth and/or viral plugs would be greatly appreciated in helping me attract more readers 

You can now share my posts on social networks like Facebook or even sign-up to follow me on Twitter!  Also, you can subscribe to my RSS feed which will notify you when I publish a new post.  And of course, if you have your own blog and add me to your blogroll, just send me a note and I will surely reciprocate.

As always, thanks for reading and I hope my sarcastic social commentary on life will at the very least give you a laugh.

~Kristina

Random shit that annoys the hell out of me, Part 2
I will be honest.  There are just certain things in life that annoy the shit out of me, even though deep down I am fully cognizant of the fact that they shouldn’t.  I know I should not let such stupid little things aggravate me, but I can’t help it.  In no particular order, the following things annoy the shit out of me:

1) Airline pilot announcements
It annoys me mid-way through a flight when an airline pilot announces over the intercom that the “winds are now coming out of the NW” and we are “cruising at an altitude of 35,000ft.”  Who the hell cares what direction the winds are blowing at or how high up the plan is? What difference does it make to passengers? My only concern in a post 9-11 world is to get to my destination safely.  Pilots always seem to make such useless announcements right as I am dozing off to sleep.  I think that unless there is an emergency like the wheels are stuck or the co-pilot passed out, pilots should be instructed to keep quiet and concentrate on flying the plane.

2) People who read at the gym
Now I will be forthright and fully disclose that I am a bit of a gym snob.  I take my workouts seriously and do not go the gym to socialize and flirt. I am there to burn calories, build muscle and increase my stamina.  I think if you take the time to go to the gym, you should play by the rule: “No pain, no gain.”  People should either suck-it up and work-out hard till they are red in the face, or they should just otherwise stay home. I get so irritated when I see people lackadaisically reading a newspaper on the elliptical machine or reading a Nora Roberts romance novel while peddling 2mph on the stationary bike.  I mean c’mon! I wish more people would just focus on their workout performance and actually attempt to burn a sweat.  In a world where free time is limited, why do some people waste their time going to the gym if they’re not going to get anything out of it?

3) Teddy at Washington Nationals games
It annoys me to watch Teddy lose the Presidents race at every Nats game. For those of you who do not live in Washington, DC, the Presidents Race is a fixture at Washington Nationals home baseball games, and has become a fan favorite during the 4^th inning. Since there are rarely enough fans in attendance to actually pull off a 7^th inning wave, Nats fans take pride in the Presidents Race.  But not for nothing, can Nationals senior management hire a new Teddy.  I don’t think he has ever won the race.  He always starts out strong but then 15 yards-in slick GW or rectangle face Lincoln whisk right on by him.  Who the hell is training Teddy?  Give me 2 weeks with Teddy and I guarantee he will win!  The “Buck Stops” here with this broad. I will “speak softly and carry a big stick” by putting ole TR through a rigorous routine of daily interval training and strict dieting.

4) The phrase “Little Boys” or “Little Girls” room
It annoys me when people try to be all cutesy and say, “I will be right back. I am just going to the little boys (or girls) room.” Umm, excuse me but it’s called a bathroom or a restroom.  The phrase “little boys or girls room” sounds like something right out of a child molester’s mouth. Unless you are a cast member on the show “Little People, Big World,” please refer to the john as a bathroom or restroom.

5) People who use Facebook status updates as their personal Twitter
It annoys me when people update their Facebook status every 2 minutes.  Ok, now don’t get me wrong. I update my Facebook status at least once, sometimes twice a day and I also typically post one or two news articles bitching about something.  Guilty as charged, I am a Facebook addict. However, I am conscious never to post more than 2 status updates per day because that is what Twitter is for.  Why don’t people understand the distinction? If you want to tell the world what you are doing every 2 minutes then use Twitter.  Otherwise, it’s only proper Facebook etiquette to refrain from numerous status updates each day.

6) Overweight women and nail salons
It annoys me when I go to the nail salon and see overweight women getting their fingers and nails trimmed, repaired, scrubbed, polished…and much, much more.  I know I am going to raise some eyebrows and piss some people off, but I am just being honest with this one.  Let me be upfront and say I am not trying to be insensitive here, as I myself used to be overweight. But my annoyance stems from the question that if you are overweight, why the hell do you care about what your nails look like?  I mean not for nothing. People will be far too focused on your back rolls and muffin top, as opposed to your French manicure.  A decent mani and pedi can run a gal a pretty penny these days. If I were overweight, I would be dishing out the dough on a gym or Jenny Craig membership, rather than at the nail salon.   

7) Single-men & email
Now what would this list be without me ranting on the bane of my existence—clueless single men.  It annoys me when I meet a guy and give him my phone number only to have him take the pussy way out and email me (or even worse, Facebook friends me).  In most cases (especially if he is cute) I oblige and exchange of a few emails back and forth.  But if after the 3^rd or 4^th email, the guy does NOT ask me out, I get aggravated and cease communication. For crying out loud, I am not looking for a pen pal.  I am looking for a potential mate.  It’s very Charles Manson-esque to keep exchanges emails with a man without him suggesting a date. (Ladies remind me to add that one to “my rules for single men”)

8)Varsity Rejects
It annoys me when I encounter post-college aged kickball players that think they are “real” athletes. Now before the hate mail begins, I know there are probably a good group of kickballers who are accomplished athletes, but I am just telling you what I have recently observed. In a previous post I espoused the kickball rule “You should never, ever, ever date a kickball player unless you yourself are a kickball player. Kickball players are their own clique and should date only amongst themselves.” That aside, it annoys me when after their games, smelly kickball players swarm a bar like cops after a 50-cent concert. They completely take over the bar and walk around with attitudes like they are these great athletes.  It just makes me laugh because looking at their physique it’s clear that a lot of them probably could never hack it or compete in high school sports.  Rather, they are now re-living their varsity reject days through kickball.  Maybe I am bitter because on more than one occasion a kickballer has spilled beer on me while attempting to carry 4 pitchers of Miller Lite back to his team or because they take-over the entire bar with their flippy cup antics. I am not trying to rain on the kickball parade. All I am saying is that perhaps some of these players should act like real athletes and focus on working out their quads and biceps, as opposed to their liver.

9) Tons of empty seats, but the person sits right next to me
It annoys me when I go to the movies or attend a sporting event and there are rows and rows of empty seats available and a person sits their ass right down next to me.  I don’t get what people are thinking when they do this.  Frankly, it’s creepy.  Of all the seats available, why must you plop down right next to me!  For Christ sake, I like my personal space and I don’t want to share the arm rests.

10) Did you find everything you were looking for?
It annoys me when I get to the register and a sales cashier asks me, “Did you find everything you were looking for?”  It takes every fiber within my being to resist the urge to say, “Obviously I did, otherwise would I be standing in line to pay? Wouldn’t I still be shopping if I was looking for something else?”  I just don’t get this question.  More and more I find it being posed to me at registers, albeit a department store or a drugstore.  Attention sales cashiers: If I still am looking for something, I would be shopping rather than twiddling my thumbs standing in line.

11) When TV news reporters ask stupid questions?
It annoys me when television news reporters ask stupid questions to everyday people during an interview.  For instance, I was watching the news the other day about the flash floods and heavy rains in Georgia.  A reporter on a well known “fair and balanced” news station that will remain nameless asked a man, whose home was just washed away by the torrential rains, “So how are you feeling? What thoughts are going through your head right now?”  Similarly, a local DC news reporter asked the grandmother of a murder victim “What do you think about what happened to your grandson (who was gunned down in a drive-by shooting)?”  Ok, what the hell is wrong with these reporters. How do you think the man feels after losing his home? Mind you this is probably a home that he worked his entire life to pay for. And how do you think the poor grandmother who lost her only grandchild feels? C’mon, it’s degrading and disrespectful to ask people such asinine and moronic questions at such a morose time in their lives.

12) When a person points out the obvious
It annoys me when a person points out the obvious to me.  For instance, recently I was entering my apartment building juggling my purse, gym bag, a case of Coke Zero and 3 Giant grocery bags full of food, all the while trying to maneuver my keys to open the main door.  As I made my way to the elevator, I contorted my body to hit the up button and stood patiently waiting as my arms cried in pain.  As I stood their waiting for the elevator to reach the ground floor, a guy approached the elevator. A few seconds later, my phone started ringing.  Now obviously I heard it but I was too focused on balancing all my shit to make the effort to reach for it in my purse.  This clown then looks me directly in the eyes and says “You know your phone is ringing.”…I will leave it up to you to imagine the disgusted look on my face. I wanted to scream “Yes, you fool!  Obviously I know!  I just don’t want to put all my bags down to answer it!” Cripes. But instead, I just looked at him with a phony smile and replied “Yes, I know thanks.”

Well, that’s all for now folks.  No doubt I will be back with another edition of “Random Shit that Annoys Me, But Really Shouldn’t” soon.  Thanks to J and “Sophia” for a few ideas. And as always, I hope at least one of my rants made you crack a smile.

1. Self-Checkout Lanes
It annoys me when a person thinks they’re a big shot and can ring up their own purchase only to fail miserably and have to endure the shame of having the store manager assist them.  I really wish grocery and drug-stores would do away with self-checkout lanes.  For Christ sake, from what I have witnessed, there are very few people in this world who are able to complete an entire transaction without the stupid overhead blinking light coming on or a sales clerk being called over to help.  People are just too stupid apparently.  There is nothing more excruciating than watching an elderly person attempt to use the self-checkout at the grocery store.  First of all, it takes them at least 20 minutes just to find their “Giant (Stop & Shop)” card.  But the worst part is watching them attempt to weigh and enter the produce codes into the register because the print on the produce stickers are too small for them to read.  It takes a good half-hour for an elderly person to determine whether an apple is a god damn Gala or Fuji.

2. Overweight People Who Post Status Messages About Food
It annoys me when overweight people post Facebook status messages about the fattening foods they have eaten.  Listen if you’re big and proud of it, well good for you.  However, personally I don’t understand how anyone could be overweight and be happy, but that’s just me.  Nevertheless, to each is own.  But I am just going to say it.  It outright disgusts me to hear status messages of “Susie had fried clams and french fries tonight from Kelly’s Roast Beef” when Susie can’t walk up a flight of stairs. Or “Steve is washing down his Five Guys cheeseburger with a milkshake” when ole Stevie can’t see his feet.  If I were tipping the scale, I would be self-conscious of my eating habits and would not flaunt them to the world.  I mean it’s like if an anorexic posting “no dinner for me tonight.”  I just don’t get it.

3. The Insert Key on the Keyboard
It annoys me when I accidentally hit the insert key, only to realize three lines of typing later I have completely typed over my existing text.  Why the hell does this key exist?  It just wreaks havoc.  There is no need for it.  If you need to insert something, simply use the mouse and insert.  This key provides no purpose other than to make your life miserable when you accidentally hit it.  I have never hit that key with the purpose of inserting something.

4. CVS Cashiers
It annoys me how impatient CVS cashiers are.  Ok, don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to rant on someone who makes $7.25/hour but the cashiers at CVS never even give you a second to drop your merchandise on the counter before they are up your ass asking “Do you have a CVS card?”  I mean let me catch my bearings and get settled at the register first.  They never give people a chance to catch their breath.  Most people do have their cards handy in their purse or pockets and will get them out if the cashiers just gave them 5 seconds to do so.  Now what really gets my goat is when every week I go to the same CVS and get rung up by the same cashier, and she always asks “Do you have a CVS card?”  WTF!! I come here every week. You know I have one!  Save your breath!

5. Monday Morning Office Talk
It annoys me how phony and disingenuous Monday morning office small talk is.  For example, a typical Monday morning office conversation plays out as follows:

Phil: “Good morning Jane, how was your weekend?”

Jane: “It was good Phil.  I went out Friday evening and relaxed the rest of the weekend. How was yours?”

Phil: “Great, I had some quality time with the wife and kids but it was too short as usual”

Jane: “Hahaha(phony laugh)..I know.  We had beautiful weather though.”

Phil: “Yes, it was simply gorgeous”

C’mon give me a break.  For once I would like people to be honest like this:

Phil: “Good morning Jane, how was your weekend?”

Jane: “Oh it was awful.  I had a terrible date with a cheap bastard who ‘broke all the rules’ on Friday and Saturday my AC broke. How was yours?

Phil: “Eh, my wife nagged me the entire weekend to stop playing Madden 10 and help her with housework and my son got in a fender bender in our new car.”

Jane: “Oh that sucks. And the weather did not help.  It was humid and muggy as hell.  I hate this god damn heat”

Phil: “Me too.  (sigh) Back to the grind.”

6. Metro Newspaper Workers
It annoys me every morning before I take the escalator down to the Metro, I am accosted by Metro newspaper workers shoving this rag in my face, practically forcing me to take one.  I don’t want to read that useless garbage.  If I wanted to read a paper on my way to work, I would pick up a respected publication like the NY Times or Washington Post.  All I want to do is listen to my Ipod in peace.  I read news all day long as a part of my job.  I don’t want to read a paper while I am squished like a sardine in an oven-heated Metro car!  Can you please leave me alone?  And on that note, why do we even need people handing out these papers.  Can’t Metro just place a stand with a sign, “Take One”?  Wouldn’t that save taxpayer dollars?

7. The “Keep in Touch” Line
It annoys me when people write “Keep in touch” at the end of an email, but you never hear from them again.  Why can’t people just be honest and say “have a nice life sucker”?

8. People Who Don’t Press Clear on the Microwave
It annoys me when people cannot take a few seconds to be courteous by simply pressing the clear button on the microwave.  Is it that hard after you have finished warming up your food, to press clear? I like to approach a microwave and see the time clock flashing in my face.  I don’t want to see how “High 2:34” on the screen!

9. Bags on Seats of a Crowded Metro Train

It annoys me when I force my way on to a crowded Metro car and I see a person occupying a seat with their bag.  How dare they take up a seat with their oversized purse or laptop bag.  It’s so nervy, especially when you see older people holding on the overhead rail for dear life as the train abruptly stops and starts from station to station.

10. Supermarket Tabloids
It annoys me when I am in line at the grocery store trying feverishly to find the article the tabloid has posted on the cover but it’s no where to be found.  I mean sometimes I think I would have a better chance finding Osama Bin Laden than the article with the pictures of the celebrities with cellulite or without make-up.  My god it’s so stressful because I only have limited time before I need to start putting my food on the moving belt.  Now granted I could dish out the four bucks and buy it to read at my leisure, but that takes all the fun out of it.  Christ almighty, I usually find myself praying the customer in front of me needs a price check to buy me a few more minutes to scan the pages of the juicy gossip laden paper.  Why can’t tabloids just put all their cover stories at the beginning and save us shoppers the anguish every week?

Well, that’s all for now.  I am sure I will I have a few more to add later on.  A special thanks to my Mom for giving me a few ideas